11/15/2006

If You Don't See a Boat, There's No Boat

Quite a few years back, I had this drinking buddy and he was a few years older than me, not that years mean much, but in terms of life, the real type of life that we the poets must struggle through bad jobs, and women and such, he was far more experienced a gentleman. I had spent my slowly waning youth in subculture, to his delight, experiencing wild eyed beauties and blatant Nihilism through my eyes, he shared actual real world survival mechanism with me. See, the trick is maintaining dignity even in the worst of times Something he for the most part succeeded at. People are always trying to nickel and dime you. Woman, even the best and most beautiful, are fickle and capable of levels of apathy that we men are unable to imaging until we actually face it. The jobs, they are the worst, they always want more than they give, and they never ever, have your best interest at heart, only that of the job. There is one person, and one person only that is there to look out for you. and that is yourself. Not your wife. Not the boss. Not your priest. Not even your buddies. So whatever happens, never ever let them take away your dignity. Never let them take away your hope. Never let them make you into anything other than a decent person. Hold on to that. Keep doing whatever you can. Let no one hold you down. These aren't his words, not exactly they are mine, but its what he taught me. And yeah, I've fucked shit up quite a few times since then. Lost my dignity, my self-respect, my purpose on several occasions, just like he has. Beset by those relentless forces. But I always found it again Always drag myself up again somehow. each time, and even though he hasn't been around in quite a few years It's still there His words still get me through. And it's not cynicism. It's not jaded. Nothing like that. It's just necessary up against the things we face. It's survival, and I learned it from a survivor It's all I have to get me through sometimes and I love him for it.