Friday 10/11/2006

2 kinds of suffering

Look, the main problem
with being pathologically existential is
these freaken moments of terror.
See, most people, they suffer because of attachment
because love is painful, desire is consuming
humans are dishonest and such.
It's like being on fire all the time in a very real way.

The pathologically existential though
at least in those dark moments,
suffer for the exact opposite reason.
Not attaching too much meaning
to the goings on of the world,
but rather that every single thing in existence
loses all meaning whatsoever.
All processes, all phenomena, all beings, all views
Seem all at once perfectly empty and void
lacking in any meaning, purpose or truth.
Unless you've somehow managed
to make peace with this in some larger fashion,
some clever enlightenment
It can actually be absolutely terrifying…

which is odd because even terror
should be empty
perhaps the proper word is nullifying.

Usually when faced with such moments
one must try to engage themselves once again
as quickly as possible
into worldly attachments,
despite the known suffering there.
I suppose the trick to surviving it all
at least for those of us who can't seem to transcend it
(hence the pathology aspect)
is the balancing act.
attachment detachment
back and forth
seeking an acceptable level of both
manifesting inside any given moment.

It's not as easy as it sounds.



11:53 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove




The God Process, or stop your silly prayers ( 10/11/2006)


Look I have to tell you, you lovers of God
the anthropomorphic type in particular
that there is absolutely no reasonable rational,
no compelling evidence, no logic
To support the existence of your mystic mythic
daddy in the sky archetype.
It's a very low level belief,
mythic magic I believe is the term,
and it's entire premise and anything
it might actually offer as far as
real meaning to the human condition
is silly and childlike.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to believe.
I tried to for many years as a young man,
that would be great, some all powerful
loving invisible creator that's on your side
that is going to step in and make things like
totally all better at some unspecified nebulous point
down the line. Nice idea sure, but hardly
responsible or mature thinking.

Anyway, the universe is anything but friendly and loving
It's full of suffering, separation, longing and tragedy.
Well, from a strictly materialist view,
the universe is actually pretty morally neutral,
and we are projecting value to random events,
various chemical interactions and quantum processes.
But assuming you do have a spiritual bent
and assign certain a priori values to existence,
then your God if he existed wouldn't in fact be very loving at all,
no he would in fact be a big stupid cruel selfish
torturing bullying asshole.
I mean imagine having the power to ease all suffering
and simply refusing to exercise it,
choosing rather to go with some dodgy long term strategy
involving original sin, breaking the will of your pets,
and something about eternities burning in hell,
all very nasty and spiteful stuff.

There is however one idea that might explain
the existence of GOD.
Evolution
on all levels, systems of all types, show
the tendency for all systems, all entities all phenomena
to evolve toward increasing complexity
So, imagine taking the largest possible view,
that someday somehow the entirety of all existence
reaches a maximum point of evolution
and the entirety of the universe having reached
ultimate complexity has become one single entity
encompassing everything there ever was.
I say ever was, because obviously at some point
concepts of linear time and space would lose meaning.
The idea here is kind of beautiful actually,
that each and everyone of us in fact every facet of reality,
is actually part of one big cosmic process of enlightenment
all evolving together into beautiful oneness,
at the very pinnacle creating a being
who is the combined essence of everything that ever was.
This would be God. All knowing, all encompassing
beyond all duality in the only way it would ever be possible
to be beyond duality by being everything.
All of us. We are God in the making,
all living and unliving things.
ALL things in fact.

There is one rub here though,
God in the end becoming everything,
It's own beginning, it's own middle,
the whole process wouldn't exactly exist
either inside or outside linear time
But rather encompass both.
And the suffering that we face,
is in fact the process itself
The growth of the universe, the infancy of God
The crashing of dualities in the violent slow process
of becoming one.

This means, that in the end, it just is what it is.
Necessary. Just that.
God couldn't intervene in the affairs of
we time trapped singular beings any more than
you could intervene in your own childhood,
were you To suddenly develop time travel,
without destroying who you are today.
In this view. God is no longer a cruel, rule making task master
that ignores suffering, but from our perspective,
is simply god in the making
that is suffering in itself.
The enlightenment machine.
Samsara and Nirvana equally necessary for the outcome,
no end result, no beginning spark,
the whole of existence looping back in upon itself
within in the siren song of infinity, the music of the spheres.

So.. You want to love God?
then simply love all existence.
But… I wouldn't try pleading for salvation
Praying for intervention in the lotto
or keeping the tire from going flat.
Asking for your sports team to win
or your side in a war
is all pretty futile.
Some of you might think that this is a God that is pretty impotent then,
unable to grant your wishes,
and in some respect you would be right.
But mostly you would be wrong,
as things are simply what they are, in the end anyhow,
despite your wishes
and this all encompassing god idea, would actually be
well, everything that there is,
and that's a pretty big deal.



11:16 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove




No Salvation in All Those Faces (10/11/2006)

I understand suffering and the alienation
of existing between the moments yet
somehow I've never quite possessed
that youthful naiveté
that leads one to believe that
salvation or even brief respite lies
in some group of friends
some social network or another.

It made me different than most.

Don't get me wrong
I've had years and years of social roles to play
this scene that scene
endlessly it seems
possibly hundreds of friends over the years,
But somehow I always
not so deep down knew
that these people were not my salvation
that really, all these eyes and ears and fingertips
expressed opinions and mouths and choices
and speech
were way more the problem
than any type of solution
not that there weren't some great ones along the way
ones to learn from
ones to enjoy and such
but there is no solace
never ever ever in this.
Ever.

I was always more inclined to believe
that some truth was to be found rather
in love
real true love
a troubadour type ideal really
even long before I knew what Troubadours were.
of course this quest itself has proven tricky
and fraught with pitfalls
but that is another story entirely.



10:23 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment